We know that the journey of human life is not made up solely or even mostly of joys and pleasures, but that it is frequently punctuated by unspeakable suffering and disastrous situations that clash with our aspirations…
How to conform oneself to God’s will in circumstances like these? The story of a Polish priest, Fr. Walter Joseph Ciszek, SJ, gives us an admirable spiritual testimony in this regard.
“God wants me in Russia”
From a Polish family, Walter Ciszek was born in the United States in 1904 and joined the Society of Jesus at the age of twenty-four.
A year after joining the Order, he learned of a call from Pius XI for volunteers for the Collegium Russicum in Rome, which was established to prepare young clerics for apostolate in the land of the tzars. As soon as he heard the Pontiff’s appeal, he felt God’s call within him and, after telling his superior of his desire and obtaining his acquiescence, he set off for the Eternal City.
During his studies in Rome, Walter even learned to celebrate Mass in the Byzantine rite. However, after his ordination to the priesthood in 1937, he had one of the biggest disappointments of his life: it was impossible to send apostles to Russia at that time. He was then assigned to an Eastern Rite mission in Albertyn,1 Poland.
Despite the setbacks his original plan had met, there was still hope in the young Jesuit’s heart. “I never doubted,” he would say, “it was God’s will that I would one day be in Russia.”2
The perplexities of life
Time seemed to pass uneventfully in Albertyn until September 1939, when the Second World War broke out. The German army soon took possession of Warsaw, and the Soviet Union, which had been taking over eastern Poland, soon arrived in the city where Fr. Ciszek was carrying out his apostolate.
In the face of the persecution and tribulations the faithful underwent, he was constantly questioned by them: How could God tolerate such calamities? Why did He not at least allow His own flock to be fed and comforted in the midst of those sad circumstances? Having allowed all this to happen to the simple and humble people of Albertyn, what did the Lord expect of them?
In the midst of that hecatomb, he came face to face with an important truth: when we live the quiet routine of daily life, we tend to feel safe and settled in this world, seeking our physical and moral sustenance in it; and we gradually forget that all of this is granted by Divine Providence. As a result, it is only when plunged into a crisis situation that we remember our Heavenly Father and seek Him out, usually with the attitude of “querulous and questioning children.”3
God is not, and cannot be, the author or cause of evil and sin. But he often uses tragedies to remind our fallen nature of His presence and love for us. This is why it is so important for us to realize that everything that happens to us has, in fact, been allowed by Providence.
How can we discern God’s will?
One evening, Fr. Ciszek met up with a good friend from school, Fr. Makar, who wanted to make a proposal to him. His old classmate told him of a possible way for them to go to Russia, since the missions in Albertyn were being cancelled. The Soviets were hiring labourers for the communist factories there, and the plan was to take advantage of the opportunity and enlist in these collectives. Fr. Walter’s euphoria knew no bounds! At last, the mission he had dreamed of was taking shape on the horizon.
However, the following morning he was plagued by doubts that troubled his mind: “Wasn’t I merely following my own desires and simply calling them God’s will for me?”4 Above all, he was tormented by the idea that he was abandoning his parishioners of Albertyn. After all, although the Eastern Rite mission was about to end there, the Latin parish would still remain.
His heart wavered between one idea and the other. When he decided to stay in Poland, he was uneasy, even though he prayed to God; when he decided to go to Russia, he calmed down. In those moments he was able to comprehend, in a sensible way, a truth enshrined in Catholic spirituality, namely “that God’s will can be discerned by the fruits of the spirit it brings; that peace of soul and joy of heart are two such signs, provided they follow upon total commitment and openness to God alone and are not founded upon the self’s desires.”5
Thus, he decided to leave without further ado.
“Take up your cross and follow Me”
Everything seemed to be going smoothly… However, when they arrived in Russia, they found themselves in a situation very different from what they had imagined. The accommodation was precarious, the work hard and the pay meagre. But all this would have been bearable if it had not been for a much more disturbing reality: the people of the region, out of a mixture of fear of the government and lukewarmness, did not want to talk about God or religion, let alone practise it.
The apostolate project they had so longed to accomplish fell apart in a matter of moments. They could only celebrate Mass with great difficulty, in the depths of the forest, since it was expressly forbidden by the government. Disappointment gave way to disillusionment, and then to terrible despondency.
Acedia is one of the worst evils that can affect a soul, leading it to distrust and distance itself from God. Fr. Walter explains it well: “It is the temptation to say: ‘This life is not what I thought it would be. This is not what I bargained for. It is not at all what I wanted, either. If I had known it would be like this, I would never have made this choice, I would never have made this promise. You must forgive me, God, but I want to go back.’”6
Suffering is the hallmark of every Catholic: “If any man would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me” (Lk 9:23). It is therefore necessary to fulfil Our Lord’s will, but not falsely, according to our own criteria and imagination.
Prayer: the sole solution
On June 22, 1941, Germany declared war on Russia. That same night, the secret police went to the sheds where the timber workers lived, to arrest them. Among those taken prisoner were Fr. Walter and his two priest friends, who were all declared suspects of espionage.
The missionary would now be subjected to countless hardships: lack of food, the disgusting filth of the prison and the feeling of helplessness. But the worst was yet to begin. Transferred to the dreaded Lubianka prison in Moscow because he was considered a Vatican agent, the priest had to endure imprisonment in a tiny cell, where he had to stand all day, subjected to terrible solitude, a strict routine and constant interrogation sessions.
Fr. Walter confesses that at first he maintained feelings of optimism and self-confidence, and that he was proud to stand firm in front of the interrogators, but he soon came to recognize that he had failed in his attempt to convince them of his innocence. It was then that he learned more than ever to turn his soul to prayer.
Fr. Walter Ciszek as a prisoner in Russia
In fact, those who always place themselves in the presence of the Lord realize that prayer is the only support in all of life’s circumstances, but above all in moments of crisis and discouragement: “if we could achieve union with God in prayer, we would then see His will clearly and desire nothing but to conform our will to His.”7
Humility and abandonment to God
His supernatural confidence, however, was still wavering: “I was tired of the struggle, I was tired of fighting, but above all I was tired of second-guessing myself in the silence of solitary confinement […]. Tired of the doubts, fears, and the constant anxiety and strain.”8
At one point, a sympathetic man presented himself, offering to give him his freedom if he would co-operate with the Soviet government. As the priest hesitated many times in his decision, the interrogator called him in one day and showed him some documents to be signed. To his surprise, the pages were filled with offences he had never committed. He was then faced with a crossroads: death and torture if he refused to collaborate, or the long-awaited “freedom” if he capitulated by signing the papers.
He then remembered Our Lord’s promise that the Divine Paraclete would speak through the Christians brought to judgement. “I prayed,” Fr. Ciszek testified, “for the Holy Spirit to move me… and I felt nothing.”9 The presentiment of imminent death, the feeling of divine abandonment, despair and fear in the face of the interrogator left him so shaken that he immediately began to sign one by one the pages containing the false accusations against him.
When he had finished signing them, he went to his cell, tormented and tense to the point of shaking uncontrollably with spasms. But he gradually regained some calm and turned to prayer. Then he began to ask himself why had he acted in that way.
“The answer was in a single word: ‘I’. I was ashamed because I knew in my heart that I had tried to do too much on my own, and I had failed. […] I had spent much time in prayer over the years, I had come to appreciate and to thank God for His providence and care for me and for all men, but I had never really abandoned myself to it.”10
This had been his main mistake: he had put too much trust in himself, believing in his own ability to overcome all evils on his own. From this he concluded: “God was testing me by this experience, like gold in the furnace, to see how much of self remained, after all my prayers and professions of faith in His will.”11
Fulfilling the will of God
Despite his collaboration with the Russian government, his long-awaited “freedom” was still a long way off. He would have to endure four more years of endless interrogations in Lubianka, as well as fifteen years of forced labour in Siberia and an additional three years of supposed freedom on Russian soil.
However, it was during his terrible sufferings in Siberia and his freedom in Russian territory that he was able to carry out all the apostolate he had desired: to return to celebrating Holy Mass, hearing Confessions, baptizing, comforting the sick and attending to the dying. These were God’s plans for him, being fulfilled in the way he had least expected.
Fr. Walter Ciszek on the day of his return to the United States
How had he managed to survive all those years of atrocities? Interviewers wanted to know, when he returned to the United States on October 12, 1963. “God’s Providence,” was Fr. Walter Ciszek’s reply. He explains: “I had seen a great deal of suffering in the camps and the prisons in those around me, had almost despaired myself, and had learned in those darkest of hours to turn to God for consolation and to trust in Him alone.”12
God does not ask the impossible of anyone; to fulfil His will, He only requires abandonment into His hands. ◊
Notes
1 Present-day Slonim, located in Belarus.
2 CISZEK, SJ, Walter Joseph; FLAHERTY, SJ, Daniel L. He Leadeth Me. San Francisco: Ignatius, 1995, p.26
3 Idem, p. 22.
4 Idem, p.27.
5 Idem, p.30
6 Idem, p.36
7 Idem, p.60
8 Idem, p.63-64.
9 Idem, p.65.
10 Idem, p.68.
11 Idem, p.71.
12 Idem, p.12-13.
