For just over three years, Jacques Fesch has been a prisoner. And as his layer has just informed him, he is now facing the death penalty. For this twenty-seven-year-old, it will all be over in just two months. What a tragic prospect!… Will two months of life be enough to pay off his debts to God, before the implacable blade of the guillotine curtails such a brief and… misused life?
If he were still that deranged young man who, on the night of February 25, 1954, entered La Santé prison in handcuffs, the answer could only be no. But that is not the case; now, not even a hair remains of the “old” Jacques Fesch.
A dream that ends in tragedy
Jacques was born on April 6, 1930 in Saint-Germain-en-Laye, a town on the outskirts of Paris, into a family that was as wealthy as it was atheist.
Despite the luxury and comfort that surrounded him, he soon felt dissatisfied with life. Worldly pleasures did not meet his expectations, and not even the birth of his daughter, Veronique, instilled some semblance of maturity in his character.
An obsession took root inside him: he would forge a great adventure for himself on board a sailing ship. Perhaps he would be able to travel to the mythical Galapagos Islands, leaving behind a lifetime of failures.
However, dreaming is easier than doing… and certainly cheaper. As expected, his father refused him the two million two hundred thousand francs needed to fulfil his wishes. In a frenzy, the young man planned with some friends to rob a money changer’s shop in order to obtain “on his own” the money he was denied at home.
Would it be too much to repeat that dreaming is easier than doing? The attempted heist was a complete failure. Jacques assaulted the money changer, but first he shot himself in the finger when he tried to pull out the revolver he was carrying in his pocket… The cries for help were followed by a mad dash, in the middle of which he – who could barely see because he had lost his glasses – had the misfortune to shoot a police officer in the heart… In the end, abandoned by his accomplices and cornered in a railway station, he was arrested. The scandalous crime outraged the whole of France, and protests calling for the unfortunate man to be severely punished soon followed.
However, it was precisely behind the bars of solitary confinement that this young man’s life took an unexpected turn.
“Like a strong gale…”
“I do not have faith; there is no point,” were the first words he spoke to the prison chaplain. And there was nothing to suggest a conversion. However, in a single instant, God appeared on his horizon in such a violent and peculiar way that you have to listen to Jacques’ own words to believe it:
Jacques Fesch shortly after his arrest, in February of 1954
“I was in my cell one night, a good three years ago. […] I was really suffering for the first time in my life, with a rare intensity, because of what had been revealed to me about certain family things… And it was then that a cry burst forth from my chest, a kind of cry for help: “My God!” And instantly, like a strong gale that passes without us knowing where it comes from, the Spirit of the Lord put His foot on my neck.
“And truly it is not just an image, because you really do have the sensation that your throat is being squeezed, and that a Spirit is invading you with great force, entering your body in a long robe. It is an impression of infinite strength and sweetness that you cannot bear for long. And from that moment on, I believed with an unbreakable conviction that was never more to leave me. I began to pray and to direct my steps towards the Lord, with a will fuelled by extremely powerful graces.”1
Jacques simply “came back to life”. This is what he wrote in an attempt to explain his experience:
“When for the first time the Lord deigned to visit my soul and communicate His message of love, I understood perfectly what I had to do, and if I were to put down in writing what has remained in my memory, I could perhaps write this: ‘My son, I have loved you, even from the first day that you began to offend Me; and above all, in those very moments, it is I myself who give you my forgiveness in a total and absolute way, and I will give you even much more. Receive my love, savour how affectionate I am to those who call on Me, and do not try to determine if you are suffering justly or not. […] Will you not then comprehend that my Cross is the only way that leads to eternal life?’”
The Light dawns on the sinner
“Someone saves me against my will. Someone takes me out of the world, because I was going to lose myself in it; and I did nothing to deserve such a grace,” he would acknowledge. How can we explain what happened to Jacques?
The grace of conversion, say theologians, is an irresistible initiative of God in the soul of the sinner; and some authors2 compare this remarkable manifestation of divine power and mercy to the work of creation itself, identifying each of the seven days with a spiritual phase. This symbolism can help us understand the conversion of the young Fesch.
In the beginning, “God said, ‘Let there be light’; and there was light” (Gn 1:3). Likewise, on the first day of his conversion, it was the Lord who decided to project His Light, making it shine within his heart. For Jacques, this sublime presence brought deep exclamations of joy and gratitude: “Joy, joy. If only I could transcribe on this paper all the graces I have received! Who can describe God’s love for His creatures?”; “Jesus is here with me, almost tangible. As soon as I call Him, His sweetness invades me and I am filled with joy.”
It should be noted that Jacques wrote these lines in the last months of his life, within the context of having been condemned to death! Nothing could overshadow the graces received in his conversion.
A fertile land that bears fruit
Illuminated with the divine light and united with God in an “interior Heaven” (cf. Gn 1:6-7), the earth appeared and was separated from the waters (cf. Gn 1:9-10), which symbolizes that the soul is no longer submerged in the waters of concupiscence and becomes a fertile landthat produces fruits of generosity, love of the cross and humility on the arduous path of sanctification.
In the lines of his diary, it is impossible to recognize the old Jacques – so changed is his heart, so tempered by pain and so aware of the purifying process he would have to go through: “I must not forget who I am, what I have done and what I would do if the Lord were to give me over even a little to myself. I have a corrupted and broken nature, and I must above all apply myself to reforming it.”
But love and the desire for perfection are only realized through works, and Jacques had great things to accomplish before he died, in order to offer the Lord the fruits of his spiritual garden. “I have made progress in my prayers and I have decided to make good use of the little time I have, which I do not wish to waste under any pretext.”
An assiduous prayer life gave him the strength to embark on the difficult journey, and with heroic generosity he began by renouncing the tiny comforts of prison: he cut out treats and cooked meals, sacrificed hours of sleep and then tackled his worst vice, tobacco:
“It is not that a cigarette can have any importance in itself; but I have such a desire for it that if I had the willpower to give up smoking, and were to do it, that sacrifice would be more pleasing to Jesus. […] Courage! With a little determination, we can do anything! Ten days ago, I smoked twenty cigarettes; now, ten; and next week… perhaps none! I truly desire this: I have so little time left!”
Watered with many sacrifices, overcoming aridity and trials, these resolutions made him more and more generous in accepting the renunciations that came his way, and as a corollary of his total surrender to God, Jacques sought to sacramentally bless his union with Pierrette, Veronique’s mother, before he died.
The brilliant sun of charity
On the fourth day, the sun took its place in this creation (cf. Gn 1:14-19). In other words, charity flooded the converted heart; the moon and the stars, which are faith and virtues, shone in him in a special way. From the love he felt descending upon him, Jacques drew strength that translated into resignation to God’s will and an eagerness for the apostolate.
“Dear Veronique, Jesus wants this death. If he snatches me from the heart of his little daughter, it is because He deems it preferable, for the good of us all, to call me to Himself. And what better things He Himself will be able to give you than I could ever do! Trust, trust in the love of Jesus,” he wrote to his daughter.
In addition to his wife, Jacques began to draw relatives and inmates to God, one of whom was baptized thanks to his example. When he was executed, the inmates decided to remain silent during the entire day in honour of the young man who had edified them so much in such a short time.
On the sea of mercy… bound for the eternal peaks!
On the fifth day (cf. Gn 1:20-21), fish and birds were born; the converted sinner swims in the waters of God’s mercy and, like an eagle, swiftly soars towards the eternal mountains:
“When I pray, I feel caught up outside myself and I cannot stop contemplating or meditating, forgetting even to breathe. When the soul rejoices, the body becomes dead and nothing matters but the kisses that are sent to Heaven. My Lord and my God!”
The last day and repose in the Lord
The day set for the execution finally dawned: October 1. Jacques had already recovered his state of grace and had thus restored in himself the dignity of man, made in the image and likeness of God on the sixth day of creation (cf. Gn 1: 27-28); it was time to rest, as did the Lord on the seventh day, contemplating the work of His hands (cf. Gn 2:2).
Fesch in 1957; above, the guillotine with which he was executed
What was Fesch’s encounter with His God and Saviour like? It is a surprise that we will only know on the final day… Here are just a few extracts from the end of his diary. May they serve as a pledge of confidence in the unlimited power of an authentic conversion:
“The last day of the struggle; I will be in Heaven by this time tomorrow! My lawyer has just told me that the execution will take place tomorrow at four o’clock in the morning. May the Lord’s will be done in all things! I have trust in Jesus’ love and I know that He himself will order His Angels to carry me in their hands. […]
“May every drop of my blood serve to erase a great mortal sin and may divine justice be completely appeased. May no one be lost because of me, but instead may every act, every thought, every word serve to glorify our God.” ◊
Notes
1 The biographical information and quotes contained in this article are taken from the diary written by Jacques Fesch during his last months in prison as a spiritual testament to his daughter, Veronica: FESCH, Jacques. Em cinco horas verei a Jesus. Niterói: Thomas More, 2021.
2 In this regard, see: CORNÉLIO A LÁPIDE. La conversión. Quito-Miami: Jesús de la Misericordia; Fiat Voluntas Tua, 2012, p.19-20.
