Various of life’s circumstances could be described as universal, in the sense that all people – rich or poor, educated or illiterate, well-mannered or boorish – inevitably experience them. One of these is the inopportune yet imperative need, at some point, to ask for something or to give something to someone else.
In fact, in establishing the order of hierarchical creation, among other reasons, God wanted some beings to depend on others, so that none, even among the Angels, would be self-sufficient.
This being the case, as much as the more careful among us may try to avoid inconveniencing others, or the more resourceful may try to dissimulate situations that arise, the inevitable will happen: sooner or later, I will be forced to turn to someone – often enough, someone with whom I do not have the least rapport – for help.
It is not without reason that the Divine Master’s illustration of this truth is transmitted in such detail, despite the conciseness of the Gospels: “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves…’” (Lk 11:5).
Would you, dear reader, give the loaves or not?
And here is the problem: is there a way to make this indispensable human need of asking more effective?
“Give and take”
First of all, we have to take into account that man, complex in his very being, is also a complex subject to study and understood – and psychology confirms this.
As a result, life in community implies certain demands: in the workplace, the allocation of space, roles and pay; in the family, learning to listen to different opinions, especially between husband and wife; in religious life, it means submitting to the opinion of one’s superior, since this state of life is based on the subjection of self-will to the will of the one in a position of authority.
Indeed, the natural differences to which all men are subject come as a consequence of the very principle of alterity. For this reason, we go to great lengths to find, among the people around us, others who share our viewpoints, or who harmonize with our temperament. It is in this way that human circles are formed, which give rise to “groups” or “societies”, capable of converging around the very similarities that unite them.
The very purpose of this communion of similarities is, in fact, to remedy the inner abyss that exists within us, allowing us to feel the support of others and helping us to regain the strength to carry on in this painful and tumultuous life. Among those motivated solely by self-interest, however, this support is of a different kind: they are always close at hand, seeking to gain favour by doffing the hats of others rather than their own…
With this humorous Brazilian expression in mind, how, then, should we see this “give and take” in the light of the Gospel?
“Do not refuse him who would borrow from you”
Our Lord tells us that it is necessary to give to those who ask, and never turn down one who requests a favour of us (Mt 5:42). This was a difficult counsel to heed in those times and is no less so today, for many people claim to be unavailable, resorting to the most diverse subterfuges to avoid those who need help.
However, a fundamental and indispensable characteristic for those who are have the obligation to give is to be selfless, willing to help anyone, like the Heavenly Father, who gives to those who ask Him; indeed, even the wicked know how to give good things to their children (cf. Mt 7:11). And to warn us even further against selfishness, Jesus teaches us to address God as Our Father and not My Father.
Despite our wickedness, Christ gave Himself entirely to us, even to the point of immolating Himself. It is well-known that He “went about doing good” (Acts 10:38), since the miracles He worked were countless – the Synoptic Gospels record thirty-five. In performing them, the Divine Master had a wide range of intentions, among which was certainly to heal the ills of the body, but first and foremost to benefit souls. In fact, in the Gospels, physical healings have something of a sacramental aspect; that is, they point to a higher reality, of a more supernatural nature.
Resignation, faith and confidence, coupled with few words
Continuing through the pages of the Gospel, the eighth chapter St. Matthew lists a series of supplications made to Christ that were answered.
Firstly, a leper appears, manifesting three outward attitudes towards Jesus: he approaches, prostrates himself and finally addresses words to Him. To these he joins his intention, humbly expressed in the conditionality of his request: “Lord, if you will, you can make me clean” (Mt 8:2).
This poor man most certainly possessed qualities that are precious for those who wish to be healed: resignation to the designs of Providence, since no complaint was uttered by his lips, despite his sorry state; trust in the Person of Christ, demonstrated by his gesture of drawing near; faith, consonant with the conditional request, although full of certainty.
Following this, when Jesus was entering Capernaum, an even more beautiful event took place with the Roman centurion, whose supplication was not for himself but for a servant (cf. Mt 8:5-13)! This is a rare occurrence: someone interceding for someone else, and in a selfless way.
Furthermore, it is worth noting that Christ accepted the pleas of both the leper and the distinguished military officer, for He does not consider petitions based on social or material conditions, but on the sincerity of the prayer and the faith of the petitioner.
The centurion’s belief1 in Our Lord was such that, since the early Church, his exclamation has been remembered with enthusiasm by Catholic piety in the Eucharistic celebration: “Lord, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof…”
In fact, as far as faith is concerned, this outward conduct was a true testimony of a courteous, humble and detached man, who, in return, had his gesture immortalized by the simple – yet how sacrificial! – fact of having asked for another…
Someone with less faith, and therefore lacking in the virtue of charity, would have preferred a Christ “all to himself”, who would have attended him “his way”, even to the detriment of divine affairs, as is often the case with arrogant petitioners, who forget the noble gesture of this Roman official.
It should also be emphasized how effective faith is when combined with courtesy: “And the servant was healed at that very moment” (Mt 8:13), all it took was “the word” (Mt 8:8) from Jesus, as well as from the centurion.
It is no wonder that St. Matthew, a few chapters earlier, recalls Our Lord’s rebuke of the pagans’ way of praying: “And in praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their many words” (6:7), since faith and admiration, coupled with few words, are usually important virtues for the humble.
Our Lord and the Roman centurion
Intimate relationship between faith and charity
Next, the Evangelist tells of the healing of Peter’s mother-in-law (cf. Mt 8:14-15). Of this event, which undoubtedly took place through the mediation of her son-in-law – which is in itself noteworthy – let us take a closer look at what followed: “She rose and served Him.” In other words, the only fitting response for one who has been helped is to serve.
Through this passage, Our Lord aims to show the balance between the practice of faith and the exercise of charity, despite possible incompatibilities springing from temperament or kinship, since those same hands of Peter’s mother-in-law, previously inoperative and incapable of practising charity,2 set about serving as soon as they were healed, giving back not only to God, but to neighbour.
All of this helps us to better appreciate the example of St. Therese who, though under the aegis of much less virtuous nuns, had a clear notion of the role of charity, when she said: “Thinking of beautiful and holy things, writing books and biographies of saints are not worth one act of love for God, nor the act of answering when the infirmary bell sounds and bothers you. [For] when you are asked to do a service or fulfil your obligation to patients who are unpleasant, you should consider yourself as a slave whom everyone has the right to command and who, as a slave, does not even think of complaining.” 3
In short, faith and charity must be in intimate, constant and growing consortium, otherwise we will not be cared for, or even worse, we will not take good care of others…
Abandonment to the Person of the Master
Notwithstanding these divine imperatives that make even the most feverish rise from bed, at the end of the eighth chapter St. Matthew evokes the episode of the storm, in which Our Lord leaves His disciples at the mercy of the raging sea, while He remains in a deep and serene sleep.
After being awoken, Jesus tenderly but firmly rebukes the disciples, shaken by the imminent danger and distrustful of His power: “Why are you afraid, O men of little faith?” (Mt 8:26). And He does so with good reason, for just prior they had seen Him cast out demons and heal the sick (cf. Mt 8:16-17).
So why doubt this Man whose powers exceeded the forces of nature itself?
We are led to believe that even among the Apostles, adherence to Our Lord was gradual, and so with each miracle they believed “a little more”, until the day of Pentecost. This is shown by their fear during the storm, when the Redeemer’s attitude was the opposite. Thus, if the Apostles had clearly in mind that “nothing false can come under faith,”4 their course of action would have been different: they would have let the Master sleep peacefully, for what safer place or more favourable situation can there be than at Christ’s side?
Nevertheless, this scene of the tumultuous waves, the afflicted seagoers and Jesus sleeping seems to aptly represent the Church, who harbours children weak in faith, even though they have God close to them – or rather, within them. It teaches us, therefore, that in any need, however absurd and desperate it may seem, Our Lord is sleeping within the inner boat of our soul, ready to come to our aid, as long as we have the faith to face our misfortunes.
Therefore, in the methodology of asking and answering, as explained above, we must be willing make an act of abandonment, because God – and needless to say, men, too – will seem oblivious to the waves through which the boat of our life will have to sail. In these circumstances, far from complaining about not receiving the material benefits or graces requested, the best option is to sleep next to Our Lord even though seemingly contrary to good sense.
To do so is to bear witness to our faith!
“Christ in the Storm on the Sea of Galilee,” by Ludolf Bakhuizen – Indianapolis Museum of Arts (Indiana)
Gratitude: a special virtue
In the accounts of the miracles performed by Christ, it is perhaps not the overflowing of divine goodness that causes the greatest amazement, but the ingratitude shown for almost all of them, with few cases of thankfulness reported by the Evangelists… Was this due to literary conciseness? Or the minimization of something too obvious to mention?
Everything suggests not. The reason for the lack of mentions of gratitude in the Gospels seems to rest squarely in the want of its practice… Only one of the ten cured lepers (cf. Lk 17:11-19) exercised the most fragile of virtues, giving rise to a cogent divine rebuke: “Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?” (Lk 17:17-18).
It is worth noting that St. Thomas5 describes gratitude as a special virtue, which requires three elements: firstly, recognizing the benefit received; secondly, praise and thanksgiving; thirdly, repayment in the appropriate place and at the appropriate time, according to one’s means.
On the other hand, the first degree of ingratitude is the absence of retribution; the second, concealment, that is, hiding the fact that one has received the benefit; and finally, the most serious consists of not recognizing the benefit, either through forgetfulness or for any other reason.
Accordingly, ingratitude is also qualified as a special sin, because “in every sin there is material ingratitude to God, inasmuch as a man does something that may pertain to ingratitude. But formal ingratitude is when a favour is actually contemned.”6
The grateful leper – Cathedral of Our Blessed Lady, Munich (Germany)
Humility, axis of the methodology of asking and assisting
In conclusion, the great problem with granting requests or refusing them, among men, is to be found in the practice of humility, a virtue that curbs impulsive appetites and moulds them so that man does not aspire immoderately to high things.7
Before responding to a request, or even making one, man first draws a series of egoistic parallels – albeit not in an entirely conscious manner – by which he compares the advantages or disadvantages of the act to be performed. It is in making this “calculation” that disordered passions enter into play, from which “come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander” (Mt 15:19).
Consequently, if he wants to be a servant to others and attend to their needs, he will have the right inner disposition to fulfil any request; but if his goal is to be great in the eyes of others, heedless of the Kingdom of Heaven, he will think himself superior and will not serve them. Ex necessitate, “whoever would be great among you must be your servant” (Mt 20:26).
And when in a position of asking someone for something, the humble will be predisposed to receive even a refusal, since their aspirations are not rooted in evil passions, but in Divine Providence, despite the incessant struggle against selfish inclinations.
Therefore, those who ask must have faith, admiration and few words, but also abandonment, resignation and confidence. For those who give, generosity and absence of selfishness. Finally, those who have received ought to respond with service – that is to say, retribution.
Is it not true that the divine lips never uttered a word of refusal for a good requested, even in responding to people whose lives were reprehensible, such as the Samaritan woman (cf. Jn 4) or the good thief (cf. Lk 23:40-43)?
They – along with many others who could be recalled, such as the daughter of the synagogue ruler (cf. Mt 9:18-26), the man with the withered hand (cf. Mt 12:9-13) or the Canaanite woman (cf. Mt 15:21-28) – did not lack the methodology of humility in their relationship with God, and were thus attended.
May Our Lady, the first to make a request of Jesus (cf. Jn 2:1-11), help us in the trivial and the virtuous savoir faire of asking, heeding and giving back. Under her protection, even in the face of the troublesome question “Will you give or not?”, what reader would now be likely to turn down a request? ◊
Notes
1 In relation to faith, credibility is the extrinsic property that affects a proposition that must be believed, by virtue of a testimony (cf. HENRY, Antonin-Marcel. Introdução e notas. In: ST. THOMAS AQUINAS. Summa Theologiæ. 2.ed. São Paulo: Loyola, 2011, v.V, p.54, nota i).
2 Bear in mind that the virtue of charity is the “efficient cause” of the virtues, in the sense that it prevails over the others. Now, because the end is what communicates to virtue its form, many virtues can prevail over others, but only charity can prevail over all of them. And it must do so in order for each virtue, ordered to its ultimate end, to be truly and fully called a virtue (cf. HENRY, op. cit., p.309, nota n).
3 BARRIOS MONEO, CMF, Alberto. Santa Teresita, modelo y mártir de la vida religiosa. 5.ed. Madrid: Coculsa, 1964, p.216.
4 ST. THOMAS AQUINAS. Summa Theologiæ. II-II, q.1, a.3.
5 Cf. Idem, q.107, a.2.
6 Idem, ad 1.
7 Cf. Idem, q.161, a.1.
