Iunderstand everything you are going through because, if you always felt the joy of sacrifice, what the Lord sends you could not be called a cross. But note: the greatest proof of predilection is that He wants to crucify you with Him in this way […].
If you could only see the affliction of my heart! But, if this is the blessed cross, if it is what He wants, if it is what pleases Him, blessed affliction! May it last until death! […]
It seemed to me that the Lord invited me to be close to Him, so He could rest His Cross on my heart, which would afford Him some relief. I felt a great desire that it be so, and it seemed to me that He made me see that, since it concerned the heart, it would be particularly painful, and so I should consider it well. I had the intense desire to offer myself to the Lord for all possible suffering in this world, of soul and body. And it seems that He insistently requested this offering of me.
My greatest desire is for Him to give me the gift of His Cross. I hope the fact of my having carried the small part that He has deigned to give me in such a cowardly and half-hearted way will not result in His holding back from sending me everything that He may wish in the future. Sustained by Him – while being so insufficient for everything, even for suffering –, I would like to suffer as much as I can for His love. I want so much to love Him! Yes, only He is my life!
It pains me greatly that my life unfolds without the difficulties and humiliations that were the path of all the Saints and the example that the Lord gave us. I know that the Lord needs nothing when He chooses to send these treasures to the heart; and it cannot be said that He deprived me entirely of the cross. But what is this, in view of what it could be? I am a cross for myself.
St. Maravillas of Jesus.
“Autorretrato, pensamientos”.
Madrid: San Pablo, 2007, p.158-162
